No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
