if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
