I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
