he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
