So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
