The maid of honor just puked.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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