so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
