i think my mom watched the whole time
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
