went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
