That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
