last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
