I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
