I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
