I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
