sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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