how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
