The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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