those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
