Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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