Dude my mom stole all your condoms
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
