now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
