Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
me + whiskey = a bad person
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
