This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
