it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
