her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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