my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
