Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
