Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
