if i can run in heels then i can drive
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Im part way to drunk.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
