Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
