it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
