he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
