First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
