Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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