He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
