i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
