thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
