Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
