Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
