you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize