the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
