How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize