K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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