if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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