dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she smelled like a LAN party
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
