Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
