I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Dear god my vagina.
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