I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
