i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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