I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
