I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
a search helicopter?!
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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