I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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