I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
