I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
