Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
