really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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