Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
