so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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