can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
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