i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
