You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
