had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I am one with the molecules
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize