well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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