Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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